Dialogues – There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.

The First Time I Have Done This In Years

I deleted my Facebook account three and a half years ago, but I downloaded the entire account and look at the pictures every now and again. Tonight I went through a few years worth of old posts, most of which are pointless, and found the following posts which seemed worth saving, most of which pertainContinue reading “The First Time I Have Done This In Years”

It Is Impossible To Say What Will Become A Classic (And What Won’t)

Gibbs: Your favorite movie is Attack of the Clones? 8th grader: Yeah. Gibbs: You like it better than The Empire Strikes Back? 8th grader: The first three movies are boring. Gibbs: Seriously? Many 8th graders: Yeah.

Bad

Tom: I had to stay after school to deal with a bad student. Harry: A “bad student.” Wow. That’s such an extreme judgment. I don’t know that I believe in “bad students.” I believe in misguided students, underprivileged students, wild students. But “bad students”? Yikes. Tom: Do you believe in “bad teachers”? Harry: That’s different.Continue reading “Bad”

Embracing Your Imperfections

Tom: I think it’s important for people to embrace their imperfections. Harry: Even racists? Tom: Racism isn’t an imperfection. It’s evil. Harry: What sort of imperfections did you have in mind? Tom: I don’t know. Ordering too much from the Pottery Barn website. Harry: You think it’s important that people embrace the fact they orderContinue reading “Embracing Your Imperfections”

It’s Different

Tom: Capital punishment is stupid. You can’t prove killing is wrong by killing. Harry: How do propose kidnappers should be punished? Tom: They should be put in prison. Harry: Doesn’t putting someone in jail seem a lot like kidnapping to you? Tom: No. Why? Harry: I mean, sending someone to jail for kidnapping means you’reContinue reading “It’s Different”

“Water Is Life”

Tom: Hey, wanted to ask you a question about your sign. Harry: We’re very passionate about social justice. Tom: Sure. I just wanted to know what “WATER IS LIFE” means? Harry: Huh? Tom: Your sign says you believe “WATER IS LIFE.” I don’t get it. Harry: Oh, right. Well… I have to admit, I’m notContinue reading ““Water Is Life””

Loyalty Scares Us

Tom: Would you say you’re loyal to your wife? Harry: Of course. Absolutely. Tom: Would you say you’re loyal to your church? Harry: Uh, well, what do you mean by “loyalty”?

Controversial Sayings

Students: Mr. Gibbs, do you think the church should have political power? Gibbs: Why do you ask? Students: I don’t know. Gibbs: Do you just want to hear me say something controversial? Students: Yes. Gibbs: Then I’ll do you one better. I think the church should have spiritual power.

A Conversation With My Daughter About Keeping A Diary

“Camilla: My new diary arrived in the mail today. Gibbs: Before you start this diary, I’m going to lay down a few rules for how it can be kept. Camilla: What are the rules? Gibbs: First, your diary will not be a secret diary. I might pick it up and read it whenever I choose. Secret diariesContinue reading “A Conversation With My Daughter About Keeping A Diary”

Rock And Roll Dad, Part I

Billy Corgan: The killer in me is the killer in you. Billy Corgan’s Wife: Sure, I get that. The thing is, I still need you to tie the bread bag tight or the bread gets dry and the kids won’t eat it.