Teach me to care and not to care.
Comic, but by no means a joke. This is wonderful.
“By not cursing in rush hour traffic, thou hast found the way to divine contemplation/
And by working nine to five at a mind numbing desk job for twenty years to feed thy family thou hast broken the snares of the enemy/
By not judging the people of Walmart thou has shown thyself to be an enlightener O pure one/
Thou has kept the faith through the raising of teenage daughters, O holy husband and daddy Bob, pray to Christ God to save our souls.”
“The same people who criticize Feminist Studies and Queer Studies for being fake also tend to treat Leadership as a serious academic matter, even though the trajectory and justification of Leadership is basically indistinguishable from every ‘Identity Studies’ major of the last thirty years. Leadership is just Queer Studies for straight white guys.”
-from “Leadership Is A Scam,” my latest for CiRCE
Proudly center-right theologians all got the memo to make a lot of “not political,” steely-eyed, vaguely prophetic observations and pregnant Biblical allusions on Twitter today.
Teacher: Can we talk?
Board chair: Sure.
Teacher: I’m here on behalf of a group of teachers who are concerned about your decision to make former MTV-VJ and Encino Man star Pauly Shore the headmaster of this school.
Board chair: I don’t understand. What’s the problem?
Teacher: He doesn’t have a classical bone in his body. He doesn’t read old books. No one on the faculty can possibly respect someone who is so obviously out-to-lunch.
Board chair: Sure, but he’s got a lot of connections and he’s going to bring in some serious donations over the next year.
Teacher: Do you have any concern for teacher morale? You’re not worried about how teachers will respond to Pauly Shore being made the head of this school?
Board chair: Look, it’s not like he’s ever going to be around. You’re not going to work with him, for crying out loud. He’s basically just going to play golf with rich people and ask them for money.
Teacher: He doesn’t need to be headmaster to do that.
Board chair: It’s simpler if he’s headmaster. It streamlines the pitch he makes.
Teacher: You’re not worried that teachers will quit?
Board chair: No.
Teacher: They will quit, sir, because–
Board chair: I know they’ll quit, but I’m not worried about it. It’s easier to find ten new teachers than it is to find someone with Pauly Shore’s connections.
Teacher: You’re going to lose teachers that have been at this school for years.
Board chair: Every old teacher used to be a new teacher.
Teacher: You’re not worried that the quality of education at this school will drop if you lose so many old teachers?
Board chair: Quality of education? Are you serious? We hired Pauly Shore as headmaster.
Teacher: … I don’t entirely know how to understand what you just said.
Board chair: Obviously, you’re not the kind of guy Pauly will find it easy to work with.
Teacher: I thought we weren’t going to be working together.
Board chair: Well, now you’re really not going to be working together. Clear out your desk.
In my experience, fully grown middle management enjoy using the word “pivot” about as much as eighth grade boys love an opportunity to say “bleed out,” “fubar,” “first to know, first to go,” or any other expression they can crib from Navy Seals. It makes them feel so grown up.
Beside the long table of a church
potluck a blind man shuffles by
with a seeing man at his side
the seeing man holds a plate
describes the foods
and no matter what he says
the blind man replies oh that sounds good
chicken salad oh
that sounds good
macaroni oh that
sounds good green
beans with almonds oh
that sounds
good life itself oh
that sounds delicious
“When I say that ‘nine out of ten administrators’ will make teachers apologize for whatever parents are upset about, I mean it. I mean that a full ten percent are going to hold out for real justice and common sense. Ten percent! That’s pretty good! It’s decent! There are good classical schools out there, and they’re run by good men, good women, and boards that care about teachers and students equally. There are classical schools that have sane discipline policies, a strong resistance to fads, and robust faculty cultures. If you don’t work at such a school, you should find one.”
-my latest for CiRCE is a State of the Union address
O All-plenteous Lord Jesus Christ, who wast once even Thyself a child and who used to love and bless children, have mercy upon the children of our time and save them—so that unbaptized children may be baptized, and so that baptized children may be strengthened in their faith in Thee, who art Truth eternal, and in their love for Thee, who art Love ineffable.
Save, O Lord, those children whom unbelieving parents corrupt with atheism and turn away from Thee, their only Saviour and salvation.
Save, O All-meek Lord, also those children whom evil teachers, without God or soul, alienate from Thee, their Creator, and turn into packs of dogs.
Save, O Lord, also those children whose pure soul is defiled by all the immorality in the streets, in the theaters, and on television—save them from the impurity of the streets and theaters, and from every other impurity.
Save, O All-merciful Lord, also those children who are orphans and have fallen into the hands of cruel guardians, or bad stepfathers or stepmothers, or those who are supposed to rear them but do not—save them from hearing blasphemous words and from seeing malicious deeds.
Save, O Son of God, the sons of men, whom the world tugs here and there into many physical trainings and occupations, without giving them any training in Thy holy law, training in proper thoughts, in truth and mercy, and in all deeds of goodness and righteousness.
Help the children of this age, O Almighty One, so they may grow up and mature to Divine sonship and heavenly citizenship, for their eternal salvation and for Thy glory and praise. Amen.
There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.