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Conservatives are obsessed with pilling. Everybody is getting this-pilled and that-pilled. The pills aren’t even colors anymore. There are noun-pills and idea-pills. Even modest changes of mind constitute a pilling of some sort. “I wanted to go to Wendy’s for lunch but Tony Whopper-pilled me and we went to Burger King, instead.” “We were goingContinue reading “This-Pilled and That-Pilled”

Comic, but by no means a joke. This is wonderful. “By not cursing in rush hour traffic, thou hast found the way to divine contemplation/ And by working nine to five at a mind numbing desk job for twenty years to feed thy family thou hast broken the snares of the enemy/ By not judgingContinue reading “The Troparion of the Mediocre Saint Bob”

Proudly center-right theologians all got the memo to make a lot of “not political,” steely-eyed, vaguely prophetic observations and pregnant Biblical allusions on Twitter today.

Teacher: Can we talk? Board chair: Sure. Teacher: I’m here on behalf of a group of teachers who are concerned about your decision to make former MTV-VJ and Encino Man star Pauly Shore the headmaster of this school. Board chair: I don’t understand. What’s the problem? Teacher: He doesn’t have a classical bone in hisContinue reading “Pauly Shore, Classical Christian School Headmaster”

In my experience, fully grown middle management enjoy using the word “pivot” about as much as eighth grade boys love an opportunity to say “bleed out,” “fubar,” “first to know, first to go,” or any other expression they can crib from Navy Seals. It makes them feel so grown up.

Beside the long table of a church potluck a blind man shuffles by with a seeing man at his side the seeing man holds a plate describes the foods and no matter what he says the blind man replies oh that sounds good chicken salad oh that sounds good macaroni oh that sounds good greenContinue reading “New Poetry: Potluck”

“When I say that ‘nine out of ten administrators’ will make teachers apologize for whatever parents are upset about, I mean it. I mean that a full ten percent are going to hold out for real justice and common sense. Ten percent! That’s pretty good! It’s decent! There are good classical schools out there, and they’re run byContinue reading “For All The Teachers Who Are Cynical About The Classical Movement”

O All-plenteous Lord Jesus Christ, who wast once even Thyself a child and who used to love and bless children, have mercy upon the children of our time and save them—so that unbaptized children may be baptized, and so that baptized children may be strengthened in their faith in Thee, who art Truth eternal, andContinue reading “Saint Nikolai Velimirovich’s Prayer For Children”