If “Star Wars” Were Homework And Students Were Quizzed On It

Gibbs: On the quiz, when asked, “Did you finish watching all of the original Star Wars trilogy over the summer?” you answered, “Yes.” Do you want to stick with that answer?

Student: Yes. How come?

Gibbs: That’s a little hard to believe based on the way you answered the other questions on the quiz.

Student: What do you mean?

Gibbs: When asked, “Who cuts off Luke Skywalker’s hand?” you circled “C. Princess Leia cuts off Luke’s hand.”

Student: Is that not the way you interpreted it?

Gibbs: It is not.

Student: I watched the film pretty late at night. I don’t remember everything clearly. But I did watch it.

Gibbs: When asked, “What is the name of the small green mentor who tutors Luke on the swamp planet of Dagobah?” you wrote, “Hoopty.”

Student: Is that not his name?

Gibbs: It is not.

Student: All the characters have pretty strange names, though, am I right?

Gibbs: His name is “Yoda.”

Student: (pause) I mean, you can totally understand how I’d make that mistake.

Gibbs: It’s far more understandable than some of your other answers.

Student: Did I get something else wrong?

Gibbs: You watched the films?

Student: Definitely.

Gibbs: On the matching section, you paired “Millennium Falcon” with “makes gorilla-like noises.”

Student: He does.

Gibbs: He doesn’t.

Student: Doesn’t that seem pretty subjective?

Gibbs: No.

Student: I thought his noises were gorilla-like.

Gibbs: The Millennium Falcon is a space ship.

Student: If you ride him like a space ship, then sure.

Gibbs: You paired “Han Solo’s primary means of transportation” with “Lando Calrissian.”

Student: I’ll admit I wasn’t entirely sure about that one.

Gibbs: Fair enough.

Student: Was there anything else?

Gibbs: “If you had to describe Darth Vader in one word, what would it be?” You answered, “darthy.”

Student: I think it’s pretty easy to see how he got his name.

Gibbs: Would you say he’s the darthiest character in the film?

Student: Some people would certainly say so.

Gibbs: Any other characters that strike you as darthy?

Student: Well, the Millenium Falcon has his moments.

Gibbs: What about Yoda?

Student: Maybe, but like I said—

Gibbs and Student: (simultaneously) It was pretty late!

Gibbs: Yes. Your summary of Return of the Jedi was fascinating.

Student: There were some parts of that one I didn’t understand. I need to watch it again. Really complex story.

Gibbs: “The Jedi returns but everything is not okay. People have changed, but so have situations. With the change in situation, the Jedi must reevaluate everything he knows, but this is especially difficult because situations are not in the same condition they were in before. It’s a spiritual battle. In the end, the Jedi returns with the right decision for his circumstances at the right time.” You underlined the word “right,” I should add.

Student: For emphasis.

Gibbs: How would you say the plot of The Empire Strikes Back was different?

Student: Different situation, right? Different situation and different circumstance.

Gibbs: Your description of The Return of the Jedi was curiously similar to your description of To Kill A Mockingbird on last year’s final.

Student: How so?

Gibbs: I made a photocopy of that essay last May. I have it here. “The mockingbird killer ponders the circumstances of his actions, especially in light of the fact that his situation is not what it once was.”

Student: Situations are a pretty important theme in Western storytelling.

Gibbs: A greater theme than circumstances?

Student: That is the question, isn’t it?

Gibbs: It really is.