Pauly Shore, Classical Christian School Headmaster

Teacher: Can we talk?

Board chair: Sure.

Teacher: I’m here on behalf of a group of teachers who are concerned about your decision to make former MTV-VJ and Encino Man star Pauly Shore the headmaster of this school.

Board chair: I don’t understand. What’s the problem?

Teacher: He doesn’t have a classical bone in his body. He doesn’t read old books. No one on the faculty can possibly respect someone who is so obviously out-to-lunch.

Board chair: Sure, but he’s got a lot of connections and he’s going to bring in some serious donations over the next year.

Teacher: Do you have any concern for teacher morale? You’re not worried about how teachers will respond to Pauly Shore being made the head of this school?

Board chair: Look, it’s not like he’s ever going to be around. You’re not going to work with him, for crying out loud. He’s basically just going to play golf with rich people and ask them for money.

Teacher: He doesn’t need to be headmaster to do that.

Board chair: It’s simpler if he’s headmaster. It streamlines the pitch he makes.

Teacher: You’re not worried that teachers will quit?

Board chair: No.

Teacher: They will quit, sir, because–

Board chair: I know they’ll quit, but I’m not worried about it. It’s easier to find ten new teachers than it is to find someone with Pauly Shore’s connections.

Teacher: You’re going to lose teachers that have been at this school for years.

Board chair: Every old teacher used to be a new teacher.

Teacher: You’re not worried that the quality of education at this school will drop if you lose so many old teachers?

Board chair: Quality of education? Are you serious? We hired Pauly Shore as headmaster.

Teacher: … I don’t entirely know how to understand what you just said.

Board chair: Obviously, you’re not the kind of guy Pauly will find it easy to work with.

Teacher: I thought we weren’t going to be working together.

Board chair: Well, now you’re really not going to be working together. Clear out your desk.